???? The 2025 Political Panic Preparedness Kit: A Satirical Self-Care Guide for the Chronically Overinformed

By Ethan Wolfen

Are you emotionally exhausted by the news but too anxious to stop refreshing it?
Do you suffer from side effects like spontaneous eye twitching, politically-induced rage baking, or arguing with your furniture over fiscal policy?

Congratulations. You may be entitled to compensation, or at least this book.

Surviving the 2025 Presidency is a laugh-out-loud survival guide for the politically conscious, emotionally fried, and spiritually duct-taped citizen just trying to get through another news cycle without launching into space via stress balloon.

This satirical self-help book blends biting political commentary, emotional coping strategies, and unlicensed life advice to help readers navigate the chaos of the modern world with sarcasm, snacks, and maybe a lava lamp.

???? Inside You'll Find:

•Emergency meditation techniques for when democracy feels like a reality show
•Passive-aggressive recipes for surviving climate dread and supply chain breakdowns
•A legal (emotionally) class-action lawsuit against reality
•How to spiritually reboot your life using only vibes and two legal loopholes
•Step-by-step instructions for hosting a coup-proof birthday party
•And a complete soul-exfoliating ritual to remove the latest news cycle from your skin

???? Perfect For Fans Of:

•Political humor with a pinch of glitter and rebellion
•Satirical self-help books like The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F** and How to Stay Sane in an Age of Division
•Survival guides for the mentally taxed
•Anyone Googling "how to build a bunker out of snacks and duct tape" at 3AM

You won't fix the world by reading this book.
But you will laugh, maybe cry, and definitely feel better knowing you're not the only one screaming into your tea about tariffs and sentient toasters.

Welcome to the resistance. It's mostly vibe-based.