Humor - Books - Smurbo

What in the World?!

NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER • “This book is the inspirational story that we all need. No one makes me laugh harder than Leanne Morgan!”—Reese Witherspoon Look for Leanne Morgan’s new sitcom, Leanne, and her hit standup special, I’m Every Woman, both available on Netflix. The beloved comedy sensation packs a hilarious punch with real talk about what it’s like to be a woman today—from rebelling against the latest diet trends to dealing with perimenopausal mean girls and attending rock concerts in middle age. For a long time, no one pulling the strings in the comedy world thought that a woman over fifty from rural Tennessee could make it in the industry. But Leanne Morgan has defied the odds, reaching millions with her musings on hormones, low-rise britches, Weight Watchers, and her opposites-attract relationship with her husband, Chuck. In her charming southern accent, Morgan brings readers inside her quest to find her voice after spending many years trying to figure out what that meant. Along the way, we learn how she grew up as a butcher’s daughter, landed a husband with health insurance, honed her stand-up technique selling jewelry at house parties, embraced the glories of aging, and surrendered to the comfort of wearing big flesh-toned panties. Equal parts warm and hilarious, this book is a must-read by one of comedy’s brightest stars—reminding you that every time life leaves you asking “What in the world?!,” something good is bound to come out of it someday.

Big Dumb Eyes

AN INSTANT #1 NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER A #1 TORONTO STAR BESTSELLER AN INSTANT USA TODAY AND INDIE BESTSELLER A GLOBE AND MAIL BESTSELLER From one of the hottest stand-up comedians, Nate Bargatze brings his everyman comedy to the page in this hilarious collection of personal stories, opinions, and confessions. Nate Bargatze used to be a genius. That is, until the summer after seventh grade when he slipped, fell off a cliff, hit his head on a rock, and “my skull got, like, dented or something.” Before this accident, he dreamed of being “an electric engineer, or a doctor that does brain stuff, or a math teacher who teaches the hardest math on earth.” Afterwards, all he could do was stand-up comedy.* But the “brain stuff” industry’s loss is everyone else’s gain because Nate went on to become one of today’s top-grossing comedians, breaking both attendance and streaming records. In his highly anticipated first book, Nate talks about life as a non-genius. From stories about his first car (named Old Blue, a clunky Mazda with a tennis ball stick shift) and his travels as a Southerner (Northerners like to ask if he believes in dinosaurs), to tales of his first apartment where he was almost devoured by rats and his many debates with his wife over his chores, his diet, and even his definition of “shopping.” He also reflects on such heady topics as his irrational passion for Vandy football and the mysterious origins of sushi (how can a California roll come from old-time Japan?). BIG DUMB EYES is full of heart. It will make readers laugh out loud and nod in recognition, but it probably won’t make them think too much. *Nate’s family disputes this entire story.

100 Places to See After You Die

From New York Times bestselling author and legendary Jeopardy! host and champion Ken Jennings comes a hilarious travel guide to the afterlife, exploring to die for destinations from literature, mythology, and pop culture. Ever wonder which circles of Dante’s Inferno have the nicest accommodations? Where’s the best place to grab a bite to eat in the ancient Egyptian underworld? How does one dress like a local in the heavenly palace of Hinduism’s Lord Vishnu, or avoid the flesh-eating river serpents in the Klingon afterlife? What hidden treasures can be found off the beaten path in Hades, Valhalla, or TV’s The Good Place ? Find answers to all those questions and more about the world(s) to come in this eternally entertaining book from Ken Jennings . Written in the style of iconic bestselling travel guides, Jennings wryly outlines journeys through the afterlife, as dreamed up over 5,000 years of human history by our greatest prophets, poets, mystics, artists, and TV showrunners. This comprehensive index of 100 different afterlife destinations was meticulously researched from sources ranging from the Epic of Gilgamesh to modern-day pop songs, video games, and Simpsons episodes. Get ready for whatever post-mortal destiny awaits you, whether it’s an astral plane, a Hieronymus Bosch hellscape, or the baseball diamond from Field of Dreams. Fascinating, funny, and irreverent, this “gung-ho travel guide to Heaven, Hell, and beyond” ( The New Yorker ) will help you create your very own bucket list—for after you’ve kicked the bucket.

They Shoot Canoes, Don't They?

With tongue pressed firmly in cheek and a gentle but penetrating eye for human foibles, Patrick F. McManus celebrates the hidden pleasures, unappreciated lore, and opportunities for disaster to be found in the recreations of camping, hunting, and fishing in his hilarious collection They Shoot Canoes, Don’t They ? Gathered here for the reader’s edification are such treasures as the true but little known story of the discovery of the efficacy of live bait by Genghis Khan’s chef, an examination of the precarious and perhaps fanatical expertise required for ice fishing, and a consideration of the circumstances that can cause a deer to ride a bicycle. Among additional topics explored are The Crouch Hop and Other Useful Outdoor Steps, The Sensuous Angler, and Psychic Powers for Outdoorsmen. Included, too, is The Hunter’s Dictionary, an invaluable lexicon that helps the novice sportsman understand such arcane terminology as “Ooooooeee-ah-ah-ah! (If there’s one thing I hate, it’s putting on cold, wet pants in the morning)” and “Baff mast pime ig bead feas mid miff pife! (That’s the last time I try to eat peas in the dark with my hunting knife!)” The author’s appreciation of outdoor life began in his early boyhood, when he absorbed a wealth of improbable information imparted by the old woodsman Rancid Crabtree, “who bathed only on leap years.” Young McManus also enjoyed special adventures with his ill-remembered sidekick, Retch Sweeney, and another boon companion of days gone by, the loquacious family dog, Strange, whose exploits as a hunter were limited to assaulting stray chickens and on one memorable occasion a skunk. “McManus here follows up A Fine and Pleasant Misery with a collection of sketches that launches him into the front ranks of outdoor humorists.”— Library Journal

Attack of the Deranged Mutant Killer Monster Snow Goons

Now available for the first time as an e-book! In Attack of the Deranged Mutant Killer Monster Snow Goons, Calvin suffers a host of hardships. He gets attacked by his new two-wheeler bike. Hobbes gets kidnapped by Susie, a slimy girl. His father cancels Calvin's personal TV network. Self-multiplying deranged mutant killer monster snow goons threaten to take over the yard. And if that wasn't enough, the ethicated duplicate of Calvin's good side wreaks havoc with his reputation by doing good deeds. Yet Calvin conquers all with his irrepressible spirit and a little help from alter-egos Spaceman Spiff, Stupendous Man, and Tracer Bullet, private eye. Readers are delighted by Calvin's resourceful wit, which applies to everything from philosophical speculations to attempts to outsmart his parents.

I Feel Bad About My Neck

#1 NATIONAL BESTSELLER • A candid, hilarious look at women of a certain age and dealing with the tribulations of maintenance, menopause, empty nests, and life itself. “Wickedly witty ... Crackling sharp ... Fireworks shoot out [of this collection].” — The Boston Globe With her disarming, intimate, completely accessible voice, and dry sense of humor, Nora Ephron chronicles her life as an obsessed cook, passionate city dweller, and hapless parent. But mostly she speaks frankly and uproariously about life as an older woman. Utterly courageous, uproariously funny, and unexpectedly moving in its truth telling, I Feel Bad About My Neck is a scrumptious, irresistible treat of a book, full of truths, laugh out loud moments that will appeal to readers of all ages.

There's Treasure Everywhere

In the world that Calvin and his tiger Hobbes share, treasures can be found in the most unlikely places, from the outer regions where Spaceman Spiff travels to the rocks in the backyard—this curious duo roams their world in search of fortunes (and misfortunes!) to be experienced. On his own, Calvin is prey to the insidious killer bicycle, is the arbiter of the Dad poll, is the creator of a legion of snowmen who provide an incisive social commentary, and Hobbes is always there as the perfect companion. Watterson's talent is evidenced by the range of thought-provoking emotions the strip encompasses in addition to the laughs it induces: the loyalty and friendship between Calvin and Hobbes, the challenge of being a patient parent, and the sardonic viewpoint of a cynical six-year-old ("I'm a 21st-century kid trapped in a 19th-century family," laments Calvin) combine to make this one of the best-loved strips in cartoon history. • Includes strips from August 30, 1993 to April 8, 1995 (excluding April 3 to December 31, 1994, due to reruns)

Tidy the F*ck Up

Even you can get your sh*t together! Tidy the F*ck Up is a funny, down-to-earth parody of Marie Kondo’s The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up , where you’ll be handed the most useful tools for keeping your crap clean and organized without all the pressure. In this book, you’ll discover useful ways to figure out what to do with your sh*tpiles in an approachable, care-free way, and you’ll say farewell to the hair-pulling stress of marathon cleaning. Tossing all your junk in a closet doesn’t make it any less of a clusterf*ck, but approaching it little by little and making use of some helpful hints can do a world of wonders for all your sh*t, the comfort of your space, and your general sanity. With this hilarious guide, you’ll learn how to: • Become a decision-making bad*ss • Get rid of the sh*t you don’t need and keep the sh*t you do • Live life after a clusterf*ck! • And more! With a lighthearted tone that the finest sailors would admire, Tidy the F*ck Up will help you make your house a f*cking home .

Everything I Know About Love

New York Times Bestseller Like Bridget Jones’ Diary but all true— a wildly funny, occasionally heartbreaking memoir from the funny, sharp British journalist and podcast host, who Elizabeth Gilbert calls “a sparkling Roman candle of talent.” “The older you get, the more baggage you carry. When you date at twenty-five, everyone walks into the bar with a very neat, light carry-on. When you date from thirty onwards, get ready to meet someone absolutely brimming with history, complications and demands.” When it comes to the trials and triumphs of becoming an adult, writer Dolly Alderton has seen and tried it all. In her memoir, she vividly recounts falling in love, finding a job, getting drunk, getting dumped, and that absolutely no one can ever compare to her best girlfriends. Everything I Know About Love is about bad dates, good friends and—above all else— realizing that you are enough. Glittering with wit and insight, heart and humor, Dolly Alderton’s unforgettable debut weaves together personal stories, satirical observations, a series of lists, recipes, and other vignettes that will strike a chord of recognition with women of every age.

How to Piss Off Men

AN INSTANT NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER BE NO MAN'S PEACE. Have you ever been badgered by an annoying pick-up artist at the bar? Ever felt a burning desire to emotionally torture a friend’s boyfriend in an act of revenge? Have you ever endured just talking to a man before? If so, then this book is for you. With more than 100 phrases, questions, and comebacks, How to Piss Off Men is your essential guide to sending even the most relentless mansplainer into an existential crisis. Whether it’s referring to his expensive NFL jersey as “cosplay” or letting him know he has the confidence of a much taller man, this handbook will ensure you’re equipped to combat toxic masculinity in any situation.* * The advice in this book has been thoroughly tested for effectiveness. Even on the author, bless his heart.

Me Talk Pretty One Day

A new collection from David Sedaris is cause for jubilation. His recent move to Paris has inspired hilarious pieces, including Me Talk Pretty One Day, about his attempts to learn French. His family is another inspiration. You Cant Kill the Rooster is a portrait of his brother who talks incessant hip-hop slang to his bewildered father. And no one hones a finer fury in response to such modern annoyances as restaurant meals presented in ludicrous towers and cashiers with 6-inch fingernails. Compared by The New Yorker to Twain and Hawthorne, Sedaris has become one of our best-loved authors. Sedaris is an amazing reader whose appearances draw hundreds, and his performancesincluding a jaw-dropping impression of Billie Holiday singing I wish I were an Oscar Meyer weinerare unforgettable. Sedariss essays on living in Paris are some of the funniest hes ever written. At last, someone even meaner than the French! The sort of blithely sophisticated, loopy humour that might have resulted if Dorothy Parker and James Thurber had had a love child. Entertainment Weekly on Barrel Fever Sidesplitting Not one of the essays in this new collection failed to crack me up; frequently I was helpless. The New York Times Book Review on Naked

Who Ordered This Truckload of Dung?

The 108 pieces in the international bestseller Who Ordered This Truckload of Dung? offer thoughtful commentary on everything from love and commitment to fear and pain. Drawing from his own life experience, as well as traditional Buddhist folk tales, author Ajahn Brahm uses over thirty years of spiritual growth as a monk to spin delightful tales that can be enjoyed in silence or read aloud to friends and family. Featuring titles such as "The Two-Finger Smile" and "The Worm and His Lovely Pile of Dung," these wry and witty stories provide playful, pithy takes on the basic building blocks of everyday life. Suitable for children, adults, and anyone in between, this eloquent volume wraps insight and inspiration inside of a good old yarn.

I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell

The “highly entertaining and thoroughly reprehensible” #1 New York Times bestseller—now with sixteen pages of photos and a new introduction ( The New York Times ). My name is Tucker Max, and I am an a*****e. I get excessively drunk at inappropriate times, disregard social norms, indulge every whim, ignore the consequences of my actions, mock idiots and posers, sleep with more women than is safe or reasonable, and just generally act like a raging d******d. But, I do contribute to humanity in one very important way: I share my adventures with the world. --from the Introduction Actual reader feedback: "I find it truly appalling that there are people in the world like you. You are a disgusting, vile, repulsive, repugnant, foul creature. Because of you, I don’t believe in God anymore. No just God would allow someone like you to exist." "I’ll stay with God as my lord, but you are my savior. I just finished reading your brilliant stories, and I laughed so hard I almost vomited. I want to bring that kind of joy to people. You’re an artist of the highest order and a true humanitarian to boot. I'm in both shock and awe at how much I want to be you."

It's a Magical World

Calvin fans will be able to see their favorite mischief maker stir it up with his furry friend, long-suffering parents, classmate Susie Derkins, school teacher Miss Wormwood, and Rosalyn the baby-sitter. It's a Magical World includes full-color Sundays and has it all: Calvin-turned-firefly waking Hobbes with his flashlight glow; courageous Spaceman Spiff rocketing through alien galaxies as he battles Dad-turned-Bug-Being; and Calvin's always inspired snowman art. There's no better way for Watterson fans to savor again the special qualities of their favorite strip. • Includes strips from March 20, 1995 to December 31, 1995 (final strip).

The Days Are Just Packed

Now available for the first time as an e-book! Calvin, the self-proclaimed "Boy of Destiny," continues to save the universe with his alter egos, Spaceman Spiff and Stupendous Man, at least until Miss Wormwood or his mother bring him back to reality. Susie, Calvin's nemesis and love interest, remains Calvin's favorite target. And when he's not recovering from a ferocious tiger attack, Calvin creates hideous snowmen, plays a moral cat-and-mouse game with Santa, conducts his infamous Dad polls, and combats the monsters under his bed.

SNAFU

A New York Times Bestseller From actor, comedian, writer, and host of the hit history podcast SNAFU, Ed Helms brings you an absurdly entertaining look at history’s biggest blunders, complete with lively illustrations. History contains a plethora of insane screwups—otherwise known as SNAFUs. Coined during World War I, SNAFU is an acronym that stands for Situation Normal: All F*cked Up. In other words, “things are pretty screwed up, but aren’t they always?” Spanning from the 1950’s to the present day, SNAFU features Ed Helms as unofficial history teacher with a loving tribute to humanity's finest face-plants, diving into each decade’s craziest SNAFUs. From planting nukes on the moon to training felines as CIA spies to weaponizing the weather, this book unpacks the incredibly ironic decision-making and hilariously terrifying aftermath of America’s biggest mishaps. Filled with sharp humor and lively illustrations, SNAFU is a wild ride through time that covers the head-scratching and occasionally inspiring blunders that have shaped our world and made historians spit-take. They're the kinds of stories that not only entertain but offers fresh insights that just might prevent history from repeating itself again and again.

Racist Jokes

Lot of of hilarious and funny jokes ! Have fun and laugh!

Poorly Drawn Lines

Don’t Miss Poorly Drawn Lines on Cake , airing on FX and streaming on FX on Hulu! This New York Times bestselling collection of absurd comics is the perfect funny gift for everyone in your life. “Poorly Drawn Lines is the funniest comic I've read since The Far Side.”— Wil Wheaton, actor ( Star Trek: The Next Generation ; The Big Bang Theory ) Life is weird. Embrace it. A bear flies through space. A hamster suffers a breakdown. A child marvels at the wonder of nature as worms emerge from the ground to look for vodka (as they always have). Elsewhere, a garden snake is arrested by animal control and jailed for home invasion. These are common occurrences in the world of Reza Farazmand’s wildly popular webcomic, Poorly Drawn Lines . Traveling from deep space to alternate realities to the bottom of the ocean, this collection includes fan favorites alongside never-before-seen comics and original essays. For the first time, Farazmand shares his inimitable take on love, nature, social acceptance, and robots.

Uncle John's Actual and Factual Bathroom Reader

It’s an actual fact—Uncle John is the most entertaining thing in the bathroom! Uncle John and his team of devoted researchers are back again with an all-new collection of weird news stories, odd historical events, dubious “scientific” theories, jaw-dropping lists, and more. This entertaining 31st anniversary edition contains 512 pages of all-new articles that will appeal to readers everywhere. Pop culture, history, dumb crooks, and other actual and factual tidbits are packed onto every page of this book. Inside, you’ll find . . . • Dogs and cats who ran for political office • The bizarre method people in Victorian England used to resuscitate drowning victims • The man who met his future pet—a stray dog—while running across the Gobi Desert • Searching for Planet X—the last unknown planet in our solar system • Twantrums—strange Twitter rants that had disastrous effects • The true story of Boaty McBoatface And much more!

Hello? Who Is This? Margaret?

A comedic look at blind ambition, stubborn optimism, and perseverance Dani Alpert is an expert on the fortitude and delusion required to pursue childhood dreams that just won’t drop dead. Her experiences are a case study in the human spirit’s tenacity and its unwavering ability to keep going in the face of crushing rejection . After years toiling in the entertainment industry, hearing “Almost,” “So close,” or “Not quite” on a loop, she turned rejection into fuel and humor into a survival tool. Some of Dani’s stories dive into the bowels of childhood, the creative psyche, and the birth of an aspiring Broadway baby. Other episodes explore crippling adult fears and self-doubt and what happens when the ingénue becomes a member of AARP. Whether she’s describing her bumpy road trying to get a foothold in Hollywood, her retail adventures shopping for gas masks during COVID, or her idiotic decision to vacation at a romantic couple’s resort after a heart-wrenching breakup, Dani offers gentle shoves—inspiration wrapped in cautionary tales—for anyone still chasing their dreams but feeling stuck. Hello? Who Is This? Margaret? delivers tales of universally awkward, misunderstood, and human failings through wit, pop culture, and Dani’s losses and wins (mostly losses). Her humor—sometimes dark and distorted but always self-aware—is a salve for the messiness and absurdities of life. Dani’s candid essays speak to the hopeful in all of us.

Somebody Is Going to Die If Lilly Beth Doesn't Catch That Bouquet

Even if you've never attended a wedding in the South, you'll find laughter in the pages of this deliciously entertaining slice of Southern life and love, complete with recipes, advice, and a huge dose of that famous charm "In the Mississippi Delta, funerals bring out the best in people, while weddings, which are supposed to be happy occasions, bring out the worst." So say Gayden Metcalfe and Charlotte Hays, authors of the bestseller Being Dead Is No Excuse: The Official Southern Ladies' Guide to Hosting the Perfect Funeral , who turn their keen eyes and sharp wit from the end of the life cycle to the all-important midpoint. For anyone planning, participating in, or attending a wedding (Southern or not), this book will amuse, entertain, and provide advice for marital bliss, including: It's OK to peek at an etiquette book, but if you rely too heavily on it, people will think that you are not fully acquainted with what is right and wrong.Anything that was not done in the past doesn't need to be done now--consider this before ordering a groom's cake, especially one featuring a fishing-tackle or golfing theme.

Being Dead Is No Excuse

"[A] lifelong Southerner . . . exposes the culinary and cultural last rites of the deep South . . . as sidesplitting as it is politically incorrect." — Publishers Weekly, starred review A hilarious guide to the intricate rituals, customs, and etiquette surrounding death in the South-and a practical collection of recipes for the final send-off. As author and southerner Gayden Metcalfe assert that people in the Delta have a strong sense of community, and being dead is no impediment to belonging to it. Down south, they don't forget you when you've up and died—they may even like you better and visit you more often! But just as there is an appropriate way to live your life in the South, there is a tasteful way of departing it. The funeral is the final social event of your existence so it must be handled flawlessly. Gayden Metcalfe, native of Greenville, MS, is steeped in the stories and traditions of this rich region. She reminisces about the prominent family that drank too much and got the munchies the night before the big event—and left not a crumb for the funeral. Then there was the lady who allocated money to have "Home on the Range" sung at the service, and the family that insisted on a portrait of their mother in her casket. Each chapter ends with an authentic southern recipe that will come in handy if you "plan to die tastefully", including Boiled Bourbon Custard; Aunt Hebe's Coconut Cake; Pickled Shrimp; Homemade Mayonnaise; and Homemade Rolls. "Sure to have Southern hostesses nodding their perfectly coiffed heads in unison." — USA Today "If you want a good laugh . . . pick up a copy." — Washington Post

Insult Jokes

Insult Jokes One hundred of hilarious and funny jokes ! Have fun and laugh!

A Pocket Dictionary of the Vulgar Tongue

A profane guide to the slang from eighteenth-century London's backstreets and taverns and how to use the antique jargon and curse words in modern conversation. This slang dictionary gathers the most amusing and useful terms from English history and helpfully presents them to be used in the conversations of today. Originally published in 1785, A Classical Dictionary of the Vulgar Tongue was one of the first lexicons of English slang, compiled by a militia captain who collected the terms he overheard on his late-night excursions to London's slums, dockyards, and taverns. Now the legacy lives on in this colorful pocket dictionary. Learn the origin of phrases like "birthday suit" and discover slang lost to timeAn unexpected marriage of lowbrow humor and highbrow wit A Pocket Dictionary of the Vulgar Tongue is perfect for enlivening contemporary conversation with historical phrases; it includes a topical list of words for money, drunkenness, the amorous congress, male and female naughty bits, and so on. A funny book for wordplay, language, swearing, and insult fans, as well as fans of British humor and culture Perfect for those who loved How to Speak Brit: The Quintessential Guide to the King's English, Cockney Slang, and Other Flummoxing British Phrases by Christopher J. Moore; Knickers in a Twist: A Dictionary of British Slang by Jonathan Bernstein; and The Official Dictionary of Sarcasm by James Napoli

Parliament of Whores

A #1 New York Times bestseller: "An everyman's guide to Washington" by the savagely funny political humorist and author of How the Hell Did This Happen? ( The New York Times ). P. J. O'Rourke's Parliament of Whores has become a classic in understanding the workings of the American political system. Originally written at the end of the Reagan era, this new edition includes an extensive foreword by renowned journalist Andrew Ferguson—showing us that although the names may change, the game stays the same . . . or, occasionally, gets worse. Parliament of Whores is a "gonzo civics book" that takes us through the ethical foibles, pork-barrel flimflam, and Beltway bureaucracy, leaving no sacred cow unskewered and no politically correct sensitivities unscorched ( Chicago Tribune ). "Insulting, inflammatory, profane, and absolutely great reading." — The Washington Post Book World

How to Giggle

An instant New York Times bestseller, How to Giggle is “honest, hectic, and always hilarious” (Amy Poehler) advice on how to take life a little bit less seriously from the hosts and best friends of the Giggly Squad podcast, Hannah Berner and Paige DeSorbo. Finding joy and laughter in the mundane can be challenging at times, but Hannah Berner and Paige DeSorbo have mastered the art of not taking life too seriously. Brought together under the bright lights of reality television, these best friends quickly realized that one of the bedrocks of their friendship is their shared experience with social anxiety. As their friendship deepened, they found themselves constantly devolving into laughter, earning them the nickname “The Giggly Squad,” and with that, their superpower—laughing through life’s hardest moments—was born. How to Giggle feels like you’re at a slumber party with your besties giving you juicy advice on sex, flirting, and social media etiquette. You’ll find interactive quizzes, and tips like finding your personal style and wellness hacks. If you’re a longtime Giggler or are simply craving some unfiltered advice to get you through hard times, look no further than How to Giggle and the topics it covers like: -Overcoming awkward situations -Red flags in female friendships and romantic relationships -Using delusion and manifestation to achieve your goals -Decentering men from your life -And more!

While You Were Asleep

While You Were Asleep: What Happens in the Hospital When You’re Not Awake By Ryan McPherson, D.O. What really happens in the hospital while you’re under anesthesia, asleep in your bed, or unconscious in the trauma bay? In this unflinching and unexpectedly funny memoir, general surgery resident Ryan McPherson pulls back the curtain on the world of modern medicine—a world most patients never see. From the brutal learning curve of medical school to the chaos of three a.m. trauma calls, McPherson delivers a gripping insider’s view of what it takes to save lives when no one is watching. While You Were Asleep is more than just blood, scalpels, and pager tones in the night. It’s a deeply personal journey—from a skateboarding California kid who couldn’t stand the sight of blood to a physician with his hands inside someone’s chest. Along the way, McPherson wrestles with burnout, doubt, grief, and the haunting moments that follow, long after your shift ends. Equal parts raw, reflective, and darkly humorous, this memoir is for anyone who’s ever wondered what really goes on behind those hospital doors—and for everyone who’s ever trusted a stranger with their life while they slept. Perfect for fans of: When Breath Becomes Air Being Mortal Kitchen Confidential As well as fans of T.V. shows like: The Pitt Scrubs House M.D. The Resident

Lessons from Cats for Surviving Fascism

NATIONAL BESTELLER Like On Tyranny, but with cats, this is the ultimate guide to channeling feline wisdom in the face of authoritarian nonsense. Cats, the original masters of stealth, sass, and strategic chaos, have been teaching us survival tactics for centuries—they just haven’t been this explicit about it. Until now. Through humor, sharp insights, and unapologetic defiance, LESSONS FROM CATS FOR SURVIVING FASCISM lays out eleven essential cat-inspired strategies for resisting control and reclaiming power. From staying nimble and unpredictable to demanding what you need with the confidence of a hungry tabby, each chapter is packed with lessons that are as subversive as they are practical. Whether you’re facing off against a system that thrives on control or just trying to make sense of a chaotic world, these lessons will arm you with the tools—and the attitude—you need to fight back. Cats don’t ask for permission, and neither should you.

Love in the Time of Zombies

It's 2017, and a raging virus has drastically reduced the world's population of men, transforming all but a fraction into a race of putrid, brain-dead zombies. So what's single, ambitious 23-year-old Hattie Cross to do for fun, not to mention romance? In this hilarious marriage of post-apocalyptic fiction and supersmart chick-lit with a wry twist, novelist Lynn Messina spoofs dating manuals, monsters, and the superficial media world, all the while creating a feisty, funny heroine with heart.

We Are Experiencing a Slight Delay

INSTANT NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER · A RUPAUL'S BOOK CLUB PICK A Town & Country Must-Read Book of Summer 2024! One of Vulture's Best New Audiobooks of 2024. "A delightful and sharp-witted tour through a lifetime’s worth of travel exploits and misadventures. . . . Readers are bound to catch the travel bug."—Publishers Weekly "Filled with warmth and self-deprecating humor, Janetti's relatable observations convey his deep affection for [his husband] Brad and the places they love." —The Washington Post In this hilarious and often touching collection, the author, television writer, and producer takes us with him on travels across the globe. Gary Janetti has gained a devoted following, with a huge audience on social media, and two bestselling collections of essays under his belt. His new collection will prompt laughter but also delighted recognition as Janetti tackles the absurdity and glory of travel. In We Are Experiencing a Slight Delay, he shares stories of his varied trips around the world. Tag along as he enjoys an unexpectedly transformative stay at a rigorous Italian spa where he and his husband go from deep grumpiness to exaltation. Take a ride on the Orient Express to Venice and discover a surprising side of London, including a hilarious dinner with actress Maggie Smith. And pull up a deck chair to watch the entertainment as Gary embarks on a family cruise on the Queen Mary 2. Interspersed with recollections of his trips are personal meditations on dining alone as well as journeys to such diverse destinations as Mykonos, Australia, a Noma pop-up, and other glamorous spots. Gary is unabashedly frank about his very exacting travel needs, and delivers practical advice on all aspects of the traveler’s life, from very precise packing instructions, suggestions on how to get upgrades, and restaurant and hotel recommendations in his favorite cities. Aspirational, charmingly acerbic, and as diverting as the best vacation can be, delivering both laughs and moments of sharp recognition, Gary’s funny collection is the perfect getaway companion, for both seasoned nomads and curious armchair travelers.

Based on a True Story

NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER • “Driving, wild and hilarious” ( The Washington Post ), here is the incredible “memoir” of the legendary actor, gambler, raconteur, and Saturday Night Live veteran. When Norm Macdonald, one of the greatest stand-up comics of all time, was approached to write a celebrity memoir, he flatly refused, calling the genre “one step below instruction manuals.” Norm then promptly took a two-year hiatus from stand-up comedy to live on a farm in northern Canada. When he emerged he had under his arm a manuscript, a genre-smashing book about comedy, tragedy, love, loss, war, and redemption. When asked if this was the celebrity memoir, Norm replied, “Call it anything you damn like.”

Bossypants

Spirited and whip-smart, these laugh-out-loud autobiographical essays are "a masterpiece" from the Emmy Award-winning actress and comedy writer known for 30 Rock, Mean Girls, and SNL" ( Sunday Telegraph ). Before Liz Lemon, before "Weekend Update," before "Sarah Palin," Tina Fey was just a young girl with a dream: a recurring stress dream that she was being chased through a local airport by her middle-school gym teacher. She also had a dream that one day she would be a comedian on TV. She has seen both these dreams come true. At last, Tina Fey's story can be told. From her youthful days as a vicious nerd to her tour of duty on Saturday Night Live ; from her passionately halfhearted pursuit of physical beauty to her life as a mother eating things off the floor; from her one-sided college romance to her nearly fatal honeymoon -- from the beginning of this paragraph to this final sentence. Tina Fey reveals all, and proves what we've always suspected: you're no one until someone calls you bossy. Includes Special, Never-Before-Solicited Opinions on Breastfeeding, Princesses, Photoshop, the Electoral Process, and Italian Rum Cake!

Class Clown

America’s most beloved wiseass finally tells his life story with all the humor you’d expect from a man who made a career out of making fun of pretty much everything. How does the son of a Presbyterian minister wind up winning a Pulitzer Prize for writing a wildly inaccurate newspaper column read by millions of people? In Class Clown , Dave Barry takes us on a hilarious ride, starting with a childhood largely spent throwing rocks for entertainment—there was no internet—and preparing for nuclear war by hiding under a classroom desk. After literally getting elected class clown in high school, he went to college, where, as an English major, he read snippets of great literature when he was not busy playing in a rock band (it was the sixties). He began his journalism career at a small-town Pennsylvania newspaper where he learned the most important rule of local journalism: never confuse a goose with a duck. His journey then took a detour into the business world, where as a writing consultant he spent years trying, with limited success, to get corporate folks to, for God’s sake, get the point. Somehow from there he wound up as a humor columnist for The Miami Herald , where his boss was a wild man who encouraged him to write about anything that struck him as amusing and to never worry about alienating anyone. His columns were not popular with everyone: He managed to alienate a vast army of Neil Diamond fans, and the entire state of Indiana. But he also developed a loyal following of readers who alerted him to the threat of exploding toilets, not to mention the fire hazards posed by strawberry pop-tarts and Rollerblade Barbie, which he demonstrated to the nation on the David Letterman show. He led his readers on a crusade against telemarketers that ultimately caused the national telemarketers association to stop answering its own phones because it was getting—irony alert—too many unwanted calls. He has also run for president multiple times, although so far without success. He became a book author and joined a literary rock band, which was not good at playing music but did once perform with Bruce Springsteen, who sang backup to Dave. As for his literary merits, Dave writes: “I’ll never have the critical acclaim of, say, Marcel Proust. But was Marcel Proust ever on Carson? Did he ever steal a hotel sign for Oprah?” Class Clown isn’t just a memoir; it’s a vibrant celebration of a life rich with humor, absurdity, joy, and sadness. Dave says the most important wisdom imparted by his Midwestern parents was never to take anything too seriously. This laughter-filled book is proof that he learned that lesson well.

America, Let Me In

A hilarious and satirically accurate introduction to the United States immigration system from comedian and writer for The Late Show with Stephen Colbert Felipe Torres Medina "A funny, empathetic, and formally inventive guide to the U.S. immigration system." (Kirkus) / "A funny book about immigration and sexy centaurs." (Stephen Colbert) Born in Colombia, Felipe Torres Medina moved to the US at the age of 21 and has spent over ten years of his life both navigating the chaos and confusion of the immigration system and explaining that craziness to the clueless Americans around him. There are few subjects that Americans have stronger opinions on. And there are few subjects that they know less about. So, like many immigrants before him, Torres Medina sets out to do the job American-born citizens won’t: make the US immigration process accessible, relatable, and, hey, a little bit funny. With an outsider’s eye, an insider’s affection, and a biting, humorous flair, Torres Medina invites readers from all passport lines to explore the multiple paths and potholes of moving to America, and experience just how many choices it takes to choose a new home. In this laugh-out-loud book, you will be taken down a multitude of possible immigration stories that range from the kafkaesquely silly to an uproarious good time. Some of them are real things that happened to Felipe—like discovering in an immigration interview that he shares a name with several criminals—and some of them are totally invented and will make you question your sanity. By the end of this handy guide, you’ll learn all you need to know about visas like the H-1B work visa, the infamous 90-day fiancé visa, the so-called Einstein visa, and many more. Remember, the fate of each character’s journey is all in your hands. So choose at your own risk.

Uncle John's Fully Loaded: 25th Anniversary Bathroom Reader

Take a seat and settle in—it's a gigantic treasury of trivia and humor for our twenty-fifth (is that porcelain?) anniversary! IBPA Benjamin Franklin Award Gold Winner in Humor ForeWord Reviews Book of the Year Awards, Honorable Mention in Humor "Fully Loaded" is putting it mildly. This behemoth of a book is overflowing with incredible stories, surprising facts, weird news, little-known origins, forgotten history, fun wordplay, and everything else that millions of loyal fans have come to expect from the world's best-selling bathroom reading series. As always, it's divided by length: quickies for the reader on the go, medium-sized articles for those with a few minutes to spare, and extra-long pieces for those truly leg-numbing experiences. Here are just a few of the hundreds of topics loaded into this edition of America's favorite source of fascinating information: * Forgotten Firsts * Dumb Crooks: Stoner Edition * Bizarre Japanese Video Games * The Kamikaze Instruction Manual * Our Lady of the Little Green Men * The Worst Fire in American History * The World's Worst Business Decision * The New Year's Eve Opossum Drop * Do Blondes Really Have More Fun? * Failed Doomsday Predictions * When Toilets Explode * and much, much more!

Stay Hungry

From comedian and actor Sebastian Maniscalco—star of the film About My Father with Robert DeNiro—an inspiring, honest, uproarious collection of essays tracing his career from playing boxing rings and bowling alleys to reaching the pinnacles of comedy success. At twenty-four, Sebastian Maniscalco arrived in LA with a suitcase and saved up minimum wages. He knew no one and nothing about standup comedy, but he was determined to go for it anyway. Two decades later, he’s on the Forbes ’ list of highest earning comedians, selling out arenas, and starring in numerous hit comedy specials including Why Would You Do That? and Is It Me? . Stay Hungry tells the story of the twenty years in between. On the way from clueless rube to standup superstar, Seb was booed off stages; survived on tips and stolen food; got advice from mentors Andrew Dice Clay, Vince Vaughn, Tony Danza, and Jerry Seinfeld; fell in love; and stayed true to his Italian-immigrant roots. The one code that always kept him going: stay hungry, keep focused, never give up, and one day, you’ll make it.

No Yelling!

For more than 25 years, the MacPherson family has brought the joy, humor, and poignancy of raising three children to funny pages worldwide in the popular comic strip, Baby Blues . No Yelling! reveals the sticky underbelly of parenting, shining a comedic light on everything from dealing with picky eaters to too much screen time. From gargantuan messes to legendary sibling disputes, readers will love following along as the MacPhersons--Darryl, Wanda, and children Zoe, Hammie, and Wren--overcome many of life's hurdles. No Yelling! offers a perceptive glimpse into the lives of modern parents, complemented by witty and informative commentary from the co-creators themselves. This collection will appeal to anyone who has kids or who remembers what it was like to be one.

Chelsea Chelsea Bang Bang

In these personal essays, the #1 bestselling author of Life Will Be the Death of Me delivers one laugh-out-loud moment after another as she sets her sights on the ridiculous side of childhood, adulthood, and daughterhood. Family moments are fair game, whether it's writing a report on Reaganomics to earn a Cabbage Patch doll, or teaching her father social graces by ordering him to stay indoors. It's open season on Chelsea Handler's love life, from playing a prank on her boyfriend (using a ravioli, a fake autopsy, and the Santa Monica pier) to adopting a dog so she can snuggle with someone who doesn't talk. And everyone better duck for cover when her beach vacation turns into matchmaking gone wild. Outrageously funny and deliciously wicked, Chelsea Chelsea Bang Bang is good good good good! "Chelsea Handler writes like Judy Blume, if Judy Blume were into vodka..."—Jennifer Weiner

Why Not Me?

#1 NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER • From the author of Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me? and creator of The Mindy Project and Never Have I Ever comes a hilarious collection of essays about her ongoing journey to find contentment and excitement in her adult life. “This is Kaling at the height of her power.”— USA Today In Why Not Me?, Kaling shares insightful, deeply personal stories about falling in love at work, seeking new friendships in lonely places, attempting to be the first person in history to lose weight without any behavior modification whatsoever, and believing that you have a place in Hollywood when you’re constantly reminded that no one looks like you. In “How to Look Spectacular: A Starlet’s Confessions,” Kaling gives her tongue-in-cheek secrets for surefire on-camera beauty, (“Your natural hair color may be appropriate for your skin tone, but this isn’t the land of appropriate– this is Hollywood, baby . Out here, a dark-skinned woman’s traditional hair color is honey blonde.”) “Player” tells the story of Kaling being seduced and dumped by a female friend in L.A. (“I had been replaced by a younger model. And now they had matching bangs.”) In “Unlikely Leading Lady,” she muses on America’s fixation with the weight of actresses, (“Most women we see onscreen are either so thin that they’re walking clavicles or so huge that their only scenes involve them breaking furniture.”) And in “Soup Snakes,” Kaling spills some secrets on her relationship with her ex-boyfriend and close friend, B.J. Novak (“I will freely admit: my relationship with B.J. Novak is weird as hell.”) Mindy turns the anxieties, the glamour, and the celebrations of her second coming-of-age into a laugh-out-loud funny collection of essays that anyone who’s ever been at a turning point in their life or career can relate to. And those who’ve never been at a turning point can skip to the parts where she talks about meeting Bradley Cooper.

Uganda Be Kidding Me

In this uproarious collection of travel essays, the bestselling author of Life Will Be the Death of Me sneaks her sharp wit through airport security and delivers absurdly hilarious stories. On safari in Africa, it's anyone's guess as to what's more dangerous: the wildlife or Chelsea. But whether she's fumbling the seduction of a guide by not knowing where tigers live (Asia, duh) or wearing a bathrobe into the bush because her clothes stopped fitting seven margaritas ago, she's always game for the next misadventure. The situation gets down and dirty as she defiles a kayak in the Bahamas, and outright sweaty as she escapes from a German hospital on crutches. When things get truly scary,she knows she can rely on her family to make matters even worse. Thank goodness she has the devoted Chunk by her side—except for the time she loses him in Telluride. Complete with answers to the most frequently asked traveler's questions, hot travel trips, and travel etiquette—none of which should be believed— Uganda Be Kidding Me has Chelsea taking on the world, one laugh-out-loud incident at a time.

Calypso

David Sedaris returns with his most deeply personal and darkly hilarious book. If you've ever laughed your way through David Sedaris's cheerfully misanthropic stories, you might think you know what you're getting with Calypso. You'd be wrong. When he buys a beach house on the Carolina coast, Sedaris envisions long, relaxing vacations spent playing board games and lounging in the sun with those he loves most. And life at the Sea Section, as he names the vacation home, is exactly as idyllic as he imagined, except for one tiny, vexing realization: it's impossible to take a vacation from yourself. With Calypso, Sedaris sets his formidable powers of observation toward middle age and mortality. Make no mistake: these stories are very, very funny--it's a book that can make you laugh 'til you snort, the way only family can. Sedaris's powers of observation have never been sharper, and his ability to shock readers into laughter unparalleled. But much of the comedy here is born out of that vertiginous moment when your own body betrays you and you realize that the story of your life is made up of more past than future. This is beach reading for people who detest beaches, required reading for those who loathe small talk and love a good tumor joke. Calypso is simultaneously Sedaris's darkest and warmest book yet--and it just might be his very best.

It Gets Worse

THE INSTANT #1 NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER New York Times bestselling author, director, actor, and YouTube superstar Shane Dawson returns with another highly entertaining and uproariously funny essay collection, chronicling a mix of real life moments both extraordinary and mortifying, yet always full of heart. Shane Dawson shared some of his best and worst experiences in I Hate Myselfie, the critically acclaimed book that secured his place as a gifted humorist and keen observer of millennial culture. Fans felt as though they knew him after devouring the New York Times , Publishers Weekly, Los Angeles Times , and Wall Street Journal bestseller. They were right… almost. In this new collection of original personal essays, Shane goes even deeper, sharing never-before-revealed stories from his life, giving readers a no-holds-barred look at moments both bizarre and relatable, from cult-like Christian after-school activities, dressing in drag, and losing his virginity, to hiring a psychic, clashes with celebrities, and coming to terms with his bisexuality. Every step of the way, Shane maintains his signature brand of humor, proving that even the toughest breaks can be funny when you learn to laugh at yourself. This is Let's Pretend This Never Happened and Running With Scissors for the millennial generation: an inspiring, intelligent, and brutally honest collection of true stories by a YouTube sensation-turned one of the freshest new voices out there.

You Can't Have It All

THE INSTANT NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER From New York Times bestselling author, OG Vanderpump Rules star, and host of the successful podcast Stassi , a “raw, relatable…brutally funny” ( Bustle ) guide to rethinking the girlboss life, taking the pressure off, and the lessons Stassi Schroeder’s learned since becoming a mom of two. Before she wrote Off with My Head , a book about hitting what felt like rock bottom, Stassi Schroeder was writing an entirely different story: a basic bitch’s guide on how to be a—wait for it—“girlboss.” But then 2020 came along and after a global pandemic, losing her job, becoming a mom, and getting married, suddenly, being a girlboss wasn’t the vibe. Instead of giving up, Stassi grew and learned from her mistakes (you know, just standard evolution). After two and a half years in limbo, Stassi was ready to launch her career again. She’d come a long way from that temperamental “Season One Stassi.” She’d gained a new perspective on what she wants out of life: to carve a path for herself, on her terms. The thing is, all this pressure to “have it all” while girlbossing it up…it’s exhausting, and Stassi isn’t sure it’s the ticket to happiness that we all thought it was. That’s truly what this book is about: the desire for joy, and accepting that you may not be the “perfect” parent/partner/friend/human—and that’s okay! Instead of letting mom guilt or work guilt get her down, Stassi encourages us all to take the pressure off, give ourselves grace, and lean into the things that bring us happiness. And if you need a little sauvignon blanc or Aperol spritz to get you through the tough days…cheers!

Hyperbole and a Half - Enhanced Edition

FROM THE PUBLISHER: Every time Allie Brosh posts something new on her hugely popular blog Hyperbole and a Half the internet rejoices. Touching, absurd, and darkly comic, Allie Brosh’s highly anticipated book Hyperbole and a Half showcases her unique voice, leaping wit, and her ability to capture complex emotions with deceptively simple illustrations. This full-color, beautifully illustrated edition features more than fifty percent new content, with ten never-before-seen essays and one wholly revised and expanded piece as well as classics from the website like, “The God of Cake,” “Dogs Don’t Understand Basic Concepts Like Moving,” and her astonishing, “Adventures in Depression,” and “Depression Part Two,” which have been hailed as some of the most insightful meditations on the disease ever written. Brosh’s debut marks the launch of a major new American humorist who will surely make even the biggest scrooge or snob laugh. We dare you not to. FROM THE AUTHOR: This is a book I wrote. Because I wrote it, I had to figure out what to put on the back cover to explain what it is. I tried to write a long, third-person summary that would imply how great the book is and also sound vaguely authoritative—like maybe someone who isn’t me wrote it—but I soon discovered that I’m not sneaky enough to pull it off convincingly. So I decided to just make a list of things that are in the book: Pictures Words Stories about things that happened to me Stories about things that happened to other people because of me Eight billion dollars* Stories about dogs The secret to eternal happiness* *These are lies. Perhaps I have underestimated my sneakiness!

Goodnight iPad

A parody of the children's classic and a hilarious gift for anyone that finds modern life funny and absurd. In a bright buzzing room, in the glow of the moon-and iPhones and Androids and Blackberries too-it is time to say goodnight... Modern life is abuzz. There are huge LCD WiFi HD TVs and Facebook requests and thumbs tapping texts and new viral clips of cats doing flips. Wouldn't it be nice to say goodnight to all that? Like the rest of us who cannot resist just a few more scrolls and clicks, you may find yourself ready for bed while still clinging to your electronics long after dark. This book, which is made of paper, is a reminder for the child in all of us to power down at the end of the day. This hilarious parody not only pokes loving fun at the bygone quiet of the original classic, but also at our modern plugged-in lives. It will make you laugh, and it will also help you put yourself and your machines to sleep. Don't worry, though. Your gadgets will be waiting for you, fully charged, in the morning.

If You Give a Mouse an iPhone

The perfect gift for parents everywhere, from the New York Times bestselling author of Goodnight iPad . The parody of If You Give a Mouse a Cookie that every parent will relate to. If you give in to temptation and give a bored little mouse your iPhone, even for ten minutes, he’s probably going to beam to some faraway place beyond time, space, and the sound of your pleading voice. And if he’s that far gone, he won’t have any idea what’s going on around him, and he might end up missing out on all the real fun. From the New York Times- bestselling author of Goodnight iPad comes a delightful new commentary on the perils of our tech-obsessed lives and a fully charged romp for readers of all ages.

Off with My Head

Named one of Us Weekly ’s Best Celebrity Memoirs of 2022 The New York Times bestselling author of Next Level Basic and fan-favorite alumna of Bravo’s Vanderpump Rules returns with the definitive Basic Bitch handbook for surviving your rock-bottom moments. The year 2020 was going to be the best year of Stassi’s life. Besides getting engaged and feeling like she was on top of the world career-wise, she bought her first house and was planning her dream Italian wedding. The future showed so much freaking promise—until it all went to hell. Stassi may not be perfect—she may have made some (major) mistakes—but she does feel like she has some insight (and plenty of hilarious tales) about getting knocked up, called out, and learning from what went wrong. Through stories, confessions, illustrations, and plenty of self-reflection and self-deprecation, this new book goes behind the scenes and addresses the experience of getting cancelled, getting that positive pregnancy test, and saying “I do” in the backyard instead of in Italy. Stassi won’t hold back about her transformation from proud basic bitch to... proud basic bitch who has a deeper appreciation for what’s really important in life: love, relationships, mutual respect, and, okay fine, an Aperol spritz and some showtunes when you need them most. Stassi hopes her story will help others see the light at the end of the tunnel in their own lives and make them laugh along the way. She writes about the importance of having a good cry (at work, in the shower, in your closet), ways to navigate social media responsibly (sometimes that means logging the eff off when crowds are chanting, “OFF WITH HER HEAD”), how to practice self-care when wine is not an option, and how not to become a Bridezilla—plus she’ll offer tips on marrying your f*ckboy, embracing pregnancy sweats (both cashmere sweats and night sweats), and styling baby OOTDs. So roll up your bedazzled sleeves…or the sleeves of the tattered robe you’ve been wearing nonstop because you’re at rock bottom; grab a cocktail; and let your favorite (more evolved) basic bitch take you on a wild ride inside the bumpiest year of her life.

How to Survive History

A detailed guide to surviving history’s most challenging threats, from outrunning dinosaurs to making it off the Titanic alive History is the most dangerous place on earth. From dinosaurs the size of locomotives to meteors big enough to sterilize the planet, from famines to pandemics, from tornadoes to the Chicxulub asteroid, the odds of human survival are slim but not zero—at least, not if you know where to go and what to do. In each chapter of How to Survive History , Cody Cassidy explores how to survive one of history’s greatest threats: getting eaten by dinosaurs, being destroyed by the asteroid that wiped out the dinosaurs, succumbing to the lava flows of Pompeii, being devoured by the Donner Party, drowning during the sinking of the Titanic , falling prey to the Black Death, and more. Using hindsight and modern science to estimate everything from how fast you’d need to run to outpace a T. rex to the advantages of different body types in surviving the Donner Party tragedy, Cassidy gives you a detailed battle plan for survival, helping you learn about the era at the same time. History may be the most dangerous place on earth, but that doesn’t mean you can’t visit. You can, and you should. And with a copy of How to Survive History in your back pocket, you just might make it out alive.

How to Invent Everything

An NPR Best Book of 2018 " How to Invent Everything is such a cool book. It's essential reading for anyone who needs to duplicate an industrial civilization quickly." --Randall Munroe, xkcd creator and New York Times -bestselling author of What If? The only book you need if you're going back in time What would you do if a time machine hurled you thousands of years into the past. . . and then broke? How would you survive? Could you improve on humanity's original timeline? And how hard would it be to domesticate a giant wombat? With this book as your guide, you'll survive-- and thrive --in any period in Earth's history. Bestselling author and time-travel enthusiast Ryan North shows you how to invent all the modern conveniences we take for granted--from first principles. This illustrated manual contains all the science, engineering, art, philosophy, facts, and figures required for even the most clueless time traveler to build a civilization from the ground up. Deeply researched, irreverent, and significantly more fun than being eaten by a saber-toothed tiger, How to Invent Everything will make you smarter, more competent, and completely prepared to become the most important and influential person ever. You're about to make history. . . better.

If Life Is a Bowl of Cherries, What Am I Doing in the Pits?

The hilarious #1 New York Times bestseller: Erma Bombeck's take on marriage and family life is "fun from cover to cover" ( Hartford Courant ). Ever since she was a child, Er ma Bombeck has been an expert worrier, and married life has only honed that skill. She gets anxious about running out of ball bearings; about snakes sneaking in through the pipes; about making meaningful conversation on New Year's Eve. Married life, she realizes, is an unpredictable saga even when you know exactly how loud your husband snores every night—and she wouldn't have it any other way. In this crisp collection of essays, Bombeck shows off the irresistible style that made her one of America's favorite humorists for more than three decades. When she sharpens her wit, no family member is sacred and no self-help fad is safe. This ebook features an illustrated biography of Erma Bombeck including rare images and never-before-seen documents from the author's estate.

Is It Just Me?

THE HILARIOUS SUNDAY TIMES NUMBER ONE BESTSELLER FROM THE BELOVED COMEDIAN The first bestselling book from the author of I Haven't Been Entirely Honest with You. Well hello to you dear browser! N ow I have your attention it would be rude if I didn't tell you about my literary feast. So, here is the thing: is it just me or does anyone else find that adulthood offers no refuge from the unexpected horrors, peculiar lack of physical coordination and sometimes unexplained nudity, that accompanied childhood and adolescence? Does everybody struggle with the hazards that accompany, say, sitting elegantly on a bar stool; using chopsticks; pretending to understand politics; pedicures - surely it's plain wrong for a stranger to fondle your feet? Or is it just me? I am proud to say I have a wealth of awkward experiences and here I offer my 18-year-old self (and I hope you too) some much needed caution and guidance on how to navigate life's rocky path. Because frankly where is the manual? The much needed manual to life. Well, fret not, for this is my attempt at one and let's call it, because it's fun, a Miran-ual. I thank you.

'Twas the Night Before Christmas

Moving Tales presents the classic American Christmas poem 'Twas the Night Before Christmas as you have never seen it. Featuring Read Aloud professional narration, music, sound effects and stunning illustrations based on the world famous Moving Tales app of the same name, this eBook is presented as a graphic novel full of humour, irreverence and beauty. Sit down, curl up and enjoy!

Everyone You Hate Is Going to Die

One of this generation's hottest and boldest young comedians presents a transgressive and hilarious analysis of all of our dysfunctional relationships, and attempts to point us in the vague direction of sanity. Daniel Sloss's stand-up comedy engages, enrages, offends, unsettles, educates, comforts, and gets audiences roaring with laughter—all at the same time. In his groundbreaking specials, seen on Netflix and HBO, he has brilliantly tackled everything from male toxicity and friendship to love, romance, and marriage—and claims (with the data to back it up) that his on-stage laser-like dissection of relationships has single-handedly caused more than 300 divorces and 120,000 breakups. Now, in his first book, he picks up where his specials left off, and goes after every conceivable kind of relationship—with one's country (Sloss's is Scotland); with America; with lovers, ex-lovers, ex-lovers who you hate, ex-lovers who hate you; with parents; with best friends (male and female), not-best friends; with children; with siblings; and even with the global pandemic and our own mortality. In Everyone You Hate Is Going to Die , every human connection gets the brutally funny (and unfailingly incisive) Sloss treatment as he illuminates the ways in which all of our relationships are fragile and ridiculous and awful—but also valuable and meaningful and important.

The Babylon Bee Guide to Wokeness

To show the world you're a good person—and also to avoid getting canceled and having your life ruined by a Twitter mob—you need to get WOKE. In The Babylon Bee Guide to Wokeness , the writers of satirical sensation The Babylon Bee tell you how to choose your pronouns, blame everyone else for your problems, and show the world how virtuous you are with virtue-signaling profile pictures and stunning and brave hashtags. A tongue-in-cheek guide to the far Left’s obsession with intersectional insanity, The Babylon Bee Guide to Wokeness will help you laugh at the state of our culture so you don’t cry.

Dear F*cking Lunatic: 101 Obscenely Rude Letters to Donald Trump

Retracing the churlish antics of our 45th president throughout his unforgettable first year and a quarter in office, Dear F*cking Lunatic: 101 Obscenely Rude Letters to Donald Trump takes both a laser scalpel and a rusty chain saw — in equal measure — to Trump's boundless ego, bottomless stupidity, and brazen incompetence. With acid tongue planted firmly in cheek, author Aldous J. Pennyfarthing takes on the president's unsurpassed ignorance, rampant racism, shocking pettiness, vertiginous dishonesty, and more. Based on the viral Daily Kos post of the same name.

Steve Martin Writes the Written Word

A USA Today Bestseller With an exclusive new introduction and some never-before-published pieces, a collection of greatest hits from one of the most beloved comedians of our time, Steve Martin, now starring in Hulu's Only Murders in the Building. Steve Martin Writes the Written Word is a perfect introduction for new fans and a must-have for longtime fans, showcasing the longevity, range, and—above all—hilarity of the master. Filled with his singular characters and musings--Daniel Pecan Cambridge, a modern-day neurotic yearning to break free in The Pleasure of My Company , to the comedic and heartbreaking relationship between Neiman Marcus shopgirl Mirabelle and businessman Ray Porter in Shopgirl , to meditations on bad neighbors and so much more--this collection shows the breadth of Martin's work, which is bolstered by a mix of brand-new and previously published selections of his writing for the New Yorker's "Shouts & Murmurs" column. A tantalizing page-turner from start to finish that will appeal to a wide range of literary appetites, Steve Martin Writes the Written Word is a brilliant tour through a singular mind.

Dave Barry in Cyberspace

"RELENTLESSLY FUNNY . . . BARRY SHINES." --People A self-professed computer geek who actually does Windows 95, bestselling humorist Dave Barry takes us on a hilarious hard drive via the information superhighway--and into the very heart of cyberspace, asking the provocative question: If God had wanted us to be concise, why give us so many fonts? Inside you'll find juicy bytes on How to Buy and Set Up a Computer; Step One: Get Valium Nerdstock in the Desert; Or: Bill Gates Is Elvis Software: Making Your Computer Come Alive So It Can Attack You Word Processing: How to Press an Enormous Number of Keys Without Ever Actually Writing Anything Selected Web Sites, including Cursing in Swedish, Deformed Frog Pictures, and The Toilets of Melbourne, Australia And much, much more! "VERY FUNNY . . . After a day spent staring at a computer monitor, think of the book as a kind of screen saver for your brain." --New York Times Book Review

If You Give a Pig the White House

A coiffed and blustery pig has shoved his way into the White House! A cleverly worded and illustrated picture book, this is the adult parody of the beloved children’s cautionary tale, If You Give a Pig a Pancake . Watch in dismay as the presidential pig gets into trouble, binges on too much Fox News and fast food, and cavalierly threatens national security. If You Give a Pig the White House both lovingly caricatures the original children's book series and shows just what can happen when a greedy anti-hero tracks his hooves all over America.

Garfield Spills the Beans

Guilty as Charged Garfield, the felonious feline, is up to his old tricks again—and he doesn’t care who knows it. Whether the victim is John, Odie, or some unsuspecting spider, Garfield is always guilty of fun in the first degree!

Poe for Your Problems

When life’s got you down and things aren’t going your way, who better to turn to than Edgar Allan Poe? Discover how to say "nevermore" to your problems in this darkly comedic and refreshing self-help guide. Of all the writers anywhere, Poe would seem to be the least likely person you'd want to turn to for advice. His life was a complete dumpster fire: he had tons of failed relationships; not many people liked him; he was a drunk; he was always broke; he often went hungry; even his own death was somewhat of a mystery. However, that's also precisely the point. Somehow, even when Poe failed, he also persevered. Drawing deeply on his works and life, Catherine Baab-Muguira takes the familiar image of Poe in a new and surprising direction in this darkly inspiring self-help book. Despite what you might think, Edgar Allan Poe somehow is the perfect person to teach you to say "Nevermore, problems!" and show you how to use all the terrible situations, tough breaks, bad luck, and even your darkest emotions in novel and creative ways to make a name for yourself and carve out your own unique, notorious place in the world. An inspirational tale for black sheep everywhere, Poe for Your Problems will teach you how to overcome life’s biggest challenges and succeed at work, love, and art—despite the odds and no matter your flaws.

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